December 8th *AND* 15th! A Force of 300 Santas Cannot Be Stopped!
ARE YOU SANTA? (modified from Montreal Craigslist)
ARE YOU SANTA?
Reply to: tom2293@gmail.com
Date: 2007-11-20, 14.30 MST
Well, ARE you? Then it's about time you started acting like it. Join the
Red Tide as we sweep a boozy wave of Santa mayhem over the barren
streets of Calgary. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! HO HO FUCKING HO!!
http://calgarysantacon2007.ning.com/
http://santarchy.com/
http://santacon.com/
Calgary SantaCon 2007 BEGINS and GOES ON until the last
Santa falls. Santa loves to KEEP MOVING, so be at the secret
meet-up locations (MP Jim Prentice Open House,
Suite 105, 1318 Centre Street NE, at 1:00 PM,
or the Garage Billiard Bar & Restaurant in
Eau Claire Market at 3:00 PM) ON TIME
or have the cell phone number of someone
(i.e. 899-3311 "Santa Fez") who is.
YOU WILL KNOW US BY OUR TRAIL OF TINSEL and BEMUSED
MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC.
You MUST have:
* A Santa suit. Yes, a FULL SUIT. A Santa toque only is
wishy-washy bullshit. If you're gonna be Santa, BE SANTA,
goddammit! (Note: you can buy cheap Santa suits on-line, or you
can make your own, or buy them at a STORE.)
* Hard CASH Canadian money to pay your own cover charges, bar tabs
and C-Train transit tickets. Remember: Santa tips well, and doesn't
wait for debit card readers or credit card slips.
* A working knowledge of the Four Founding Fucks (see below).
MRS. SANTA AND DRESSED-UP FEMALES WELCOME;
ELVES AND REINDEER TOLERATED. DRESSING AS PRESENTS
AND XMAS TREES WELCOME.
You might want:
* A sack (AKA "Santa Swag Bag")
* A flask or other drinking container for those long walks between
bars. Carefully soaked and repeatedly washed Pine Sol containers
make a strong impression, as do various mouthwash containers.
(Strong zip-lock bags help with leakage.)
*Layers of clothes if/when it is cold ouside; be prepared to
DANCE when inside.
* Elf-sized condoms, favoured and unflavoured lube.
* Candy canes, toys and other gifts for nice kids you meet on the
street.
* Gifts for naughty Santaphile adults you meet on the way.
Remember, Christmas is the time when Santa comes.
(Some new pairs of socks for the homeless will help in their
bitter plight.)
* Spare Santa costumes for instant Santification of bystanders.
Why not? At least a festive red and white hat for "groupies".
ALL SANTAS follow the Four Founding Fucks:
1. DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS
If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted,
do it when you and I aren't dressed the same. Try to keep public
alcohol consumption discreet. Try to keep public urination discreet
(see 3rd Fuck).
2. DON'T FUCK WITH STORE SECURITY
If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it,
or other Santas will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops
and then we're dealing with the 1st Fuck.
3. DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS
I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough
for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less
worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or
something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents. Remember: The
kids of today are the weirdos of tomorrow.
4. DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA
You will be dealing with dozens of Santas. DO NOT piss them off.
Reply to: tom2293@gmail.com
Date: 2007-11-20, 14.30 MST
Well, ARE you? Then it's about time you started acting like it. Join the
Red Tide as we sweep a boozy wave of Santa mayhem over the barren
streets of Calgary. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! HO HO FUCKING HO!!
http://calgarysantacon2007.ning.com/
http://santarchy.com/
http://santacon.com/
Calgary SantaCon 2007 BEGINS and GOES ON until the last
Santa falls. Santa loves to KEEP MOVING, so be at the secret
meet-up locations (MP Jim Prentice Open House,
Suite 105, 1318 Centre Street NE, at 1:00 PM,
or the Garage Billiard Bar & Restaurant in
Eau Claire Market at 3:00 PM) ON TIME
or have the cell phone number of someone
(i.e. 899-3311 "Santa Fez") who is.
YOU WILL KNOW US BY OUR TRAIL OF TINSEL and BEMUSED
MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC.
You MUST have:
* A Santa suit. Yes, a FULL SUIT. A Santa toque only is
wishy-washy bullshit. If you're gonna be Santa, BE SANTA,
goddammit! (Note: you can buy cheap Santa suits on-line, or you
can make your own, or buy them at a STORE.)
* Hard CASH Canadian money to pay your own cover charges, bar tabs
and C-Train transit tickets. Remember: Santa tips well, and doesn't
wait for debit card readers or credit card slips.
* A working knowledge of the Four Founding Fucks (see below).
MRS. SANTA AND DRESSED-UP FEMALES WELCOME;
ELVES AND REINDEER TOLERATED. DRESSING AS PRESENTS
AND XMAS TREES WELCOME.
You might want:
* A sack (AKA "Santa Swag Bag")
* A flask or other drinking container for those long walks between
bars. Carefully soaked and repeatedly washed Pine Sol containers
make a strong impression, as do various mouthwash containers.
(Strong zip-lock bags help with leakage.)
*Layers of clothes if/when it is cold ouside; be prepared to
DANCE when inside.
* Elf-sized condoms, favoured and unflavoured lube.
* Candy canes, toys and other gifts for nice kids you meet on the
street.
* Gifts for naughty Santaphile adults you meet on the way.
Remember, Christmas is the time when Santa comes.
(Some new pairs of socks for the homeless will help in their
bitter plight.)
* Spare Santa costumes for instant Santification of bystanders.
Why not? At least a festive red and white hat for "groupies".
ALL SANTAS follow the Four Founding Fucks:
1. DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS
If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted,
do it when you and I aren't dressed the same. Try to keep public
alcohol consumption discreet. Try to keep public urination discreet
(see 3rd Fuck).
2. DON'T FUCK WITH STORE SECURITY
If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it,
or other Santas will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops
and then we're dealing with the 1st Fuck.
3. DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS
I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough
for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less
worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or
something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents. Remember: The
kids of today are the weirdos of tomorrow.
4. DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA
You will be dealing with dozens of Santas. DO NOT piss them off.
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